Contact us!

Email:
info@familynonviolence.org

Phone: 1 (508) 996-1100

Fax: 1 (508) 996-1100*51

Family Non-Violence, Inc.
P.O. Box 814
Fairhaven, MA 02719-0800

The Communicator:
A quarterly newsletter of Family Nonviolence, Inc.
Volume 6, Number 3 December 2007

In this issue:

• From the Executive Director
• "Activities of the Agency "
• Christmas, Holidays, Stress and Spanking
• Presenting An Alternative

Welcome! We continue to come to you in order to share information regarding important issues regarding domestic/family violence as well as providing information on the activities in which we as an agency are involved. We welcome you to this issue of The Communicator.

A reminder: We have begun a Yahoo discussion group entitled "Preventing Family Violence." It allows anyone to contribute to an online discussion about the issue as stated. If you have any ideas about this important issue, you can access the discussion group by going to preventingfamilyviolence@yahoogroups.com.

Also: You are welcome to respond to any item in the newsletter as well as to raise any concern about the prevention of family violence. You may reach us at our phone number (508) 996-1100. Our email address is info@familynonviolence.org.

Restorative Justice Task Force: Eight persons from the religious communities of Quakers, Lutheran, Catholic, Unitarian, and the United Church of Christ have begun to meet bi-monthly to promote the emphasis upon Restorative Justice, a strategy for dealing with crime and interpersonal conflict that is being practiced in many countries in the world, including over 300 communities in this country. Through a Community Mini-Grant from the United Way of Greater New Bedford we provided training for one person in Peacemaking Circles, a form of Restorative Justice. We are looking at ways in which Restorative Justice could be introduced into the institutions of greater New Bedford.

Clergy Conference Task Force: Persons from the clergy, domestic violence professionals, police personnel and others from both the New Bedford and Fall River areas have been meeting together on a monthly basis to plan for promoting the awareness and prevention of domestic violence. We have completed two workshops entitled "A Time to Care" for Congregational/United Church of Christ churches on the Southcoast and for churches connected to the Wareham Area Clergy Association. The Executive Director is Chair of the task force.

Taking the Time: This is a six-month program for couples that provides feedback from a premarital inventory, monthly meetings with Mentors to guide them through reflection on the inventory, and monthly lectures on topics important to prepare for marriage.

For any of these program opportunities, call (508) 996-1100 or communicate with us at info@familynonviolence.org.

Vote of the Board of Directors: In the light of the recent emphasis upon a petition to the Legislature to prohibit spanking, the Board, although supporting a rule about no spanking, has voted to present its own petition to the Legislature. A copy of an article that has been written for the Standard-Times (which will be submitted later) is included in this newsletter: "Presenting an Alternative." The Board is seeking support for this effort. If you agree with the petition as stated in the article, please call (508) 996-1100 to voice your support.

But first, here is an article by Richard Davis, President of the Board of Directors, that gives a very contemporary emphasis.

Spanking

Over the holidays some parents will occasionally lose their patience with their children or because of stress or anger, they may hit/spank their child. While spanking may temporarily relieve a parent's frustration and temporarily end the behavior that provoked the spanking, the American Academy of Pediatrics acknowledges that spanking is the least effective way to discipline a child.

Spanking can be physically and psychology harmful to both the parent and the child. There is no question that spanking causes physical and emotional harm. It also teaches children that violence is an acceptable way to discipline, and more importantly, teaches children that physical assaults are an acceptable way to express frustration or anger.

In our homes the physical assaults against children, teach children many lessons. According to Murray Straus, Professor of Sociology and Co-Director Family Research Laboratory University of New Hampshire, children most often learn these three lessons.

(1) Those who love you the most are also those that hit you; (2) There is sometimes a moral right to hit other members of the same family; (3) When all else fails, use violence.

The nexus of spanking and domestic violence

A society that condones and legitimizes the use of physical force, violence and economic dominance as a proper means of behavior modification (spanking or coercive behavior) should not be surprised that many of its children will find rationalizations for that same type of behavior as adults, regardless of gender or sexual orientation.

Approximately 97% of three-year-olds, 49 percent of thirteen-year-olds, and 34% of fifteen to seventeen-years-olds report that they have experienced the use of physical abuse for behavioral modification at the hand of their parents.

The first lesson children often learn, both inside and outside of the home is that power and control, both physical and economic, do matter. Studies document that physical bullying and/or emotional abusive incidents are common in our schools and are equally engaged in by both boys and girls.

Parents need to understand that there are many long term means of disciplining their children that are more appropriate than physical assaults. Researchers need to explore the link between violent victimization of boys and girls by adults to similar violent offending by males and females when they become adults. And it seems illogical and irresponsible to believe that there can be some unexplained day or magical age where condoned behavior, overnight, becomes a crime.