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Email:
info@familynonviolence.org

Phone: 1 (508) 996-1100

Fax: 1 (508) 996-1100*51

Family Non-Violence, Inc.
P.O. Box 814
Fairhaven, MA 02719-0800

The Communicator:
A newsletter of Family Nonviolence, Inc.
Volume 5, Number 6 November & December 2006

In this issue:

• From the Executive Director
• Annual Report
• "Awake from the Dark "
• Equal Justice
• LESSONS in INTERPERSONAL COMMUNICATION:
  The World of Words

A Time of Thanksgiving? Last month we observed Domestic Violence Awareness month but we need to remember that violence and abuse continue every day in some families. While we give thanks in these months of November and December, we can also remember that there are many who are in harm's way in the intimate relationships where joy ought to be the experience. As a reminder we include a statement by one person who has put her traumatic experience in a poem. We also include an article by Richard Davis that questions whether the present practices of the criminal justice system promote the highest level of safety for women.

New Initiative: We are announcing a new initiative in Restorative Justice. To begin the process of making the idea a reality we have established a task force that will be meeting monthly. If you or someone you know would like to find out more about this new endeavor, you can call (508) 996-1100.

Change of policy: We have been distributing this newsletter to anyone who desired it either by regular mail or email. As of January we will be providing the newsletter by regular mail only to a select few who are involved in family violence prevention and treatment and to those who pay a membership fee of $25.00 for 2007. We will be mailing out the January-February issue only to those who become members and to others involved in family violence prevention and treatment.

A reminder: We have begun a Yahoo discussion group entitled "Preventing Family Violence. " It allows anyone to contribute to an online discussion about the issue as stated. If you have any ideas about this important issue, you can access the discussion group by going to preventingfamilyviolence@yahoogroups.com.

• A workshop in Nonviolent Communication that was attended by 30 persons
• The formation of a Nonviolent Communication discussion group that still continues
• The initiation of a Community Monthly Forum for the Our Lady of Guadalupe Parish in New Bedford in Spanish
• The initiation of a Clergy Conference Task Force that spent much time in planning a conference on domestic violence for faithbased leaders (which unfortunately was cancelled due to lack of registrants)
• The development of a premarital education program entitled "Taking the Time " based on the Marriage Savers model.
• Providing displays of materials (with assistance from members of the Board) at locations of Bristol Community College in both New Bedford and Fall River, and at the Town Hall in Fairhaven at the Old Time Holiday in December
• The initiation of a Men's Support Group for men abused in partner relationships
• The initiation of a Yahoo Discussion group: preventing family violence
• The facilitation of a forum on Restorative Justice that was held on Thursday, October 19th, at the First Congregational Church of Fairhaven

• Notably the failure to have any response to the Next Step Divorce Support Group that several members of the Board had expended a lot of time
• Also, the lack of response to the offer to the community of a Parent Support Group even set up in relationship with Parents Helping Parents in Watertown
• Lack of response from any of the police chiefs in Bristol County who were mailed a printed article by Richard Davis on preventing violence by police officers
• Lack of response from Dean Robert Ward of the Southern New England School of Law regarding the offer to provide a forum on "Current Research on Dating Violence " (Richard as the presenter)

• A notice from the IRS that the agency has been confirmed as a 501©3 corporation
• Donations have been received from the First Congregational Church of Fairhaven ($50) and the New Bedford Friends Meeting ($300).

Like an unknown stranger hides in the dark
Panic silently creeps deep within your heart
Unsettled feelings ­ the turmoil it brings,
Without any warning, it stabs and it stings.

Dark like a moonless night it does sneak,
Your heart and your soul and your life feel so bleak.
All through time its steel grip clamps so tight,
This unbelievable force you can't fight.

It completely drags your whole spirit down.
You try hard to scream, yet slowly you drown.
The sense of realty so far away
All you can do is to cry and to pray

This someone out there answers your plea
To light up the dark so you finally can see.
You only can hope that they will see your pain
So at last you know you're not going insane.

This Stranger has dealt you such a great blow
The journey back will be long and be slow.
The Stranger's real names are abuse and fear.
They never leave you ­ they're always near.

One step ­ one movement ­ One at a time
It takes untold strength to cross over the line.
I know I'll win ­ but Oh so much pain,
The fear in the dark ­ the scars will remain.

At last no more trembles deep in my soul
No more darkness ­ no endless hole.
From deep within ­ a wee tiny light
A ray of pure hope ­ and it shines so bright.

As each day begins with dawn's light,
It chases the stranger out of the night.

micki

The primary goal of the US National Institute of Justice (NIJ) sponsored report Technical Report for "An Empirical Examination of a Theory of Women's Use of Violence in Intimate Relationships [http://www.ncjrs.gov/App/Publications/abstract.aspx?ID=208611] because of the increasing numbers of arrests and guilty findings concerning female offending in domestic violence incidents, is to develop a comprehensive empirical theorydriven understanding of the use of violence by females in intimate partner relationships. That is an admirable, reasonable, and important goal.

The above report examines some of the following contextual factors to explain, at least in part, the reason for the use of violence by females in intimate partner relationships.

1. Victimization in the context of their victimization from their male partner.
2. The diverse roles of race, ethnicity, and culture.
3. The cognitive motivation for the use of violence and coping strategies.
4. Childhood trauma.
5. Poverty, injury, depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, anxiety, and substance abuse.

This scientific empirical approach not only allows researchers to study the use of female violence in the context of their victimization it also provides a more complete picture of those incidents by exploring the many complex and multifaceted reasons females use violence in domestic violence relationships.

However, the above report concludes, similar to the majority of domestic violence advocates and organizations, that the context of violence by females against their male partners is most often dramatically different and very distinct than the context of the use of violence by males against their female partners.

This conclusion is inexplicable and the above report provides no citations for empirical studies or scientific data that document the differences between the reasons males and females use violence in their relationships. The authors seem to have concluded, similar to the majority of nationally recognized domestic violence organizations and our public policy makers, that the use of violence by females in intimate partner relationships is complex and multifaceted and that the use of intimate partner violence by males is primarily caused by cultural sexist beliefs and the desire of males to oppress females.

Perhaps the reason the researchers of the above report, similar to many other researchers and domestic violence advocates may have reached their conclusions about male offending is that they have not empirically, similar to the above study, examined the use of intimate partner violence by males against females in the same context they have for females.

What criminal justice data does document is that males assault females more than females assault males. While some researchers want to argue the difference is really just created the methodology of the reporting, the difference in fatalities supports the claim males are more violent than females. That being stated, it is clear, as the National Violence Against Women Survey documents [http://www.ncjrs.org/pdffiles1/nij/183781.pdf] that females do report their fear and injuries more than males.

Regardless, fear, injury and fatalities are the consequences of and not the causes of these incidents. The consequences of these events clearly document the importance of properly exploring the causes in order to prevent or reduce the negative consequences.

It also should be clear that consequences are not reason enough for advocates to continue minimizing, marginalizing or ignoring female offending and male victimization. Theories concerning both male and female victimization must be unbiased and based upon a foundation of empirical data and not intuitively held beliefs.

The vast majority of the national domestic violence organizations continue to proffer that males must become more engaged in interventions and educational efforts, in the endeavor to prevent or reduce domestic violence. Almost all of contemporary efforts begin with the presupposition that males are the offenders and females their victims.

It seems logical, at least to this author, that more males, and in fact society in general, will become more engaged about domestic violence if advocates, public policy makers, law enforcement and the civil and criminal courts end minimizing, marginalizing or ignoring female offending and male victimization.