GLORIA STEINEM GOT MARRIED!

by Robert Heskett

An event in September 2000 created an earthquake in the media: GLORIA STEINEM GOT MARRIED! The woman who had once said, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle" at age 66 chose to marry a man named David Bale.

This event should give a signal that something is changing in the area of the relationship between men and women. Actually she had previously written in her book Outrageous Acts and Everyday Rebellions that the goal of Feminism is "the equality and full humanity of women and men."

And things have been happening in the larger realm of human relationships. Ever since the publication of The Feminine Mystique in 1963 by Betty Friedan there has been a resurgence of the women's movement that has meant significant changes in our life together as a nation. The work of thousands of women (and some men) across this nation has meant revisions of our laws, the creation of new institutions, new meanings for the way men and women relate together either married or unmarried.

Before the 1970's most Americans assumed that rape, incest, and wife-beating rarely happened. But as women began to gather statistics, the figures became alarming. At the time men who hurt women were considered sick or drunk. And often the responsibility for the man's behavior was put upon the women: she had seduced him, or she nagged him. Or it was often said, "If she's not happy, why doesn't she just leave him?" When the police went to the homes for what was termed a "domestic dispute" the role of the police officers (according to the best professional advice then) was mostly to calm the woman down, to get the man to take a walk. Men were rarely arrested for domestic violence and this happened only when there was severe injury or death to the partner.

During the 1970's, because of pressure from the women's movement, the media began to highlight the many deaths of women because of the violence of the men who claimed to love them. It was this media attention that provided a heightened awareness that something needed to be done. And something was done. In Massachusetts the Abuse Prevention Law was passed that put in place "restraining orders" to help to provide safety for women who have been abused or threatened with abuse. Laws were put in place requiring police to arrest abusers, even when the abuser was the husband.

Such response was important to deal with an unrecognized crisis that was and still is occurring in our society: the hidden violence in our homes. The women's movement not only brought pressure on the legislature and media to address the ongoing violence. The women also worked to provide ways in which women and children who were being abused could find support, shelter and safety.

What was done was necessary to meet the crisis. However, perhaps we as a society are at the point where we can begin to assess whether there might be even better approaches to deal with the scourge of domestic violence. These are some questions that seem significant:

1. How are we as a society dealing with preventing the intergenerational transmission of violence?
2. How can we provide a better integration of services to families where violence has occurred?
3. How can we apply the research being done on family violence to address the problems of family violence?
4. How can we utilize the power and importance of relationships in helping to heal violent families?
5. Could it be that we as a society are allowing the extreme behaviors of a small minority of violent men to govern the allocation of resources?

Consider some of these recent findings from research in domestic violence:

1. Millions of men in this country are victims of family violence
2. There has been shown there is a strong correlation between having been victimized as children and adult victimization and perpetration.
3. The ongoing tragedy of the effect on children of the breakup of families in divorce
4. The ineffectiveness of restraining orders for many women (and men)
5. The reluctance of women to contact police when they are abused because they do not trust the criminal justice system
6. The failure of present programs effectively to address domestic violence in minority communities

It is the belief of the members of Family Nonviolence, Inc. that the time is now to stop and think seriously about the ongoing tragedy of family violence.

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